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I love eccentricities that are grounded in humor.
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Posted on: 7.17.2014 @ 4:08 AM |
I'm sorry that I mumble when I feel overwhelmed Especially when I know people care I just couldn't pick the right words to say And I hate to cry in front of others I rather do it privately So as to not be a burden I'm sorry that these past few days I lack the energy Or motivation to look happy in front of the crowd Understand that I'm also weak and fragile I may look tough and carefree But when I can't bear the load that I have My knees weaken, my disposition sad and my heart's in pain I'm sorry for not being cute And acting mighty when in fact I'm not I'll surrender everything, I'll pick up from where I've been If it seems that I'm not trusting anyone No, I just don't want anyone else to feel responsible My head's full of thousand things to say Yet I don't have the courage to convey them I'll pick up from where I've been Just wait This is a fleeting moment Trust me I'll even be more bubbly the next time you see me
Posted on: 5.05.2014 @ 7:39 AM |
Retribution
In retrospect, my emotional quotient run low. There were times when I felt numb--but not in an "emo" way. Numb, in the sense that my brain dictated that I should dwell more on one thing: to feel its impact and then react, I guess. However, indifference got in the way. Probably, it was my way of protecting myself. I'm never emotional when I'm sad. My mom knows this. When it's too big a shoes for me to fit in, I crawl back into my bed and do the weeping with my face buried in my pillow (without anyone knowing, or so I thought). But when my dog died, it was as if I've let everything get out of my system. Suddenly the wall that I've built around myself shattered; my fortress collapsed.
I'm not really sure if I'm getting there. All I know is that right now I'm blessed that the people surrounding me provides a good support-- emotionally and spiritually speaking. Everyday I go to work hyped-up and I go back home smiling. I learn, I laugh and I'm continually inspired to be a better person. It's humbling to know that there are people who genuinely cares and invests on you.
I want to give back, I really do. Maybe not in a grandeur fireworks-and-champagne kind of way but rather in a more subtle "maangas", kind of way.
Hintayin niyo.
Posted on: 5.04.2014 @ 7:00 AM |
To be emancipated from someone's life feels poignant.
On the hindsight I'm aware that I brought this upon myself. I'm contrite but at the same time bummed out-- I could have explained myself but then chance was a luxury that I've already used up.
I'm sorry.
Rendering believable alibis is not my forte so just weigh in on the things that I've said-- I pledge on their authenticity.
Right now I'm just tired...
and sad.
Posted on: 5.12.2013 @ 5:47 AM |
Just Because
Creep-Radiohead (cover by Daniela Andrade)
Labels: Thoughts
@ 5:41 AM |
I'm Settling into Voyeurism
These past few weeks, I'm becoming more and more worried about my empty life plan. All my life I've been studying and now that I'm done with it, what's next?I'm still a few years shy of being 25 but I feel like suffering from quarter-life crisis. Honestly,this is killing me. I'm still not applying for an OJT. I've hypnotized myself into believing that I deserve a few weeks worth of literally doing nothing. But when I see my college friends going a few steps ahead of me, my notion that I'm a lazy ass strenghtens. Well,this is just one of my worries. I've met a few people this summer. There are instances when I feel like I can become closer to them but then most of the time, I'd freeze out and bam!I'm back to base 1. I've read an article from the Huffington Post about introverts (Read). I've always considered myself as an extrovert- oh please, my close friends know this. I can be loud and be quite obnoxious. However, this belief has been shattered mercilessly. Here's a list from the article "Nine Signs that You Might Be an Introvert" by Sophia Dembling: (commentaries in italics) 1. You rarely think "the more the merrier". Recently, I'm more comfortable with small groups. I rather be with my barkadas than party around with strangers. This also made me realize that I'm a bit sociophobic. Sad but true.I'm not sure if it's insecurity or I'm just allergic to people.Nah, that's an exaggeration. 2. You consider doing nothing doing somethng.I'm a home buddy and I love doing things alone.My time,my way. 3.Sometimes you feel like your head might explode. Okay,so I'll pass on this one. If anything, I feel lethargic. And this is an everyday thing. 4.You hide in the bathroom sometimes.Funny because it's not to hide from people but to frequently pee--something to do with having large liquid intake,mind you. 5. You are ready to leave the party shortly after arriving.Well it depends. If I have my close friends with \ me then I can handle. Otherwise, I'll be gone. 6.You haven't answered a ringing telephone in years. In my case, I can live without a cellphone. Quite a few times, I was unable to read text messages received a few days back! This I'm changing soon. Bad habit, you say. 7. You prefer one close friend over 100 lovely acquaintances. Amen to this. 8.You can't imagine what all those people find to talk about.Sapul. Just this morning, this person that I like approached me and initiated a small talk. I couldn't find a topic, much less any word to continue the conversation. Slap me on the face/arms/torso/legs/my whole body I want to hide; I'm so pathetic. 9. You actively avoid anything that might devolve into audience participation. If I can form another arrangement, that'd be better. If not, then I have no choice but to summon my courage. Counting all my checks, a good 7.5/9 makes me an introvert. This is freaking me out. All my life I've been deluded that I belong in the outgoing social sphere. What's worse is that, I'm even shy. Introvert+Shy=Not good. Labels: Thoughts
Posted on: 11.30.2012 @ 10:21 PM |
Because Playing Dress Up is Too Grown Up
Letting my inner Indiana Jones out once again, I've chanced upon two boxes of "treasures" buried in a cranny of our house. I knew that my mom hauled toys months before for my nieces and nephews but these toys seem to plead me, to open them up so that they can be free once and for all. In a jiffy, their wish was granted.
Starting with this windmill bakery, I noticed that some parts shown in the cover were not provided. I'm guessing that the toy manufacturer had it separated to another set-- capitalist tactic, I must say. Nevertheless, any girl playing with this would feel delighted. Winged pink structure, anyone? (Although, it really is a windmill).
The inside is bare, unless the few given pieces will be set-up. There was a complementary set of stickers, but since I'm still planning to give this to my favorite niece, I opted not to use them.
I'm not sure if the family members depicted are squirrels or foxes. My bet's on the latter one.
 
Before I had these photos taken, my mom asked me what I'd do with them. I had to cover up my real intentions with pure creative reasoning of just taking photographs. Seeing my devilish smile, I knew my mom saw right through me-- I had to give way to my lost childhood, and what better way to do that than to play with these?
The excitement of tearing the cartons and wrappers down and trying to construct the pieces akin to the given template is pure bliss. Doing this made me realize some things. (1) Humans sometimes want to play god. (2) There are processes that need to be followed step-by-step so that the desired outcome can be achieved. (3) Consumerism starts early on in our lives, and with how things run right now, it is quite inevitable that this will stay for a long time. (4) China even dominates the toy world.
There are also these personal turmoil that haunt me. (1) Was I too uptight that spontaneity seems foreign to me? (2) That 'youth' too abstract a word to understand; too fleeting to hold on to? (3) Was I too excited to grow up that I seem to forget that life can never be recapitulated?
Funny how these seemingly innocent and childish toys made me think thoughts too adult to comprehend on.
I should just really go back to my paper.
Labels: Thoughts
Posted on: 11.29.2012 @ 10:19 PM |
Trying Japanese Once Again
My room, during the afternoons, mimic the internal temperature of a brick oven (yes, there might have been some exaggeration but my skin feels otherwise). Then, a brilliant idea popped into my head. My parents' room once had these bamboo blinds hanged in their windows. When our rooms were repainted, they had to go but with the process of uninstalling it, the mechanical rollers were broken/went missing; ergo, making the storage room their permanent home...until now.
They are currently in my room, semi-rolled so that an ample amount of natural lighting can still enter my room; not to mention the need for natural ventilation.
In the pictures, this part of my room seems darker than the rest, but I assure you, it's not. Actually, the excess glare was reduced to a significant amount which makes me work without too much annoying distractions.
Can you see the white rope? Due to the lack of mechanical rollers/pulley, I have to make do with tying it to the blinds. Thanks to this, I feel a bit more
Labels: Crafts
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